ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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