This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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