i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize