True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
ttyl tear gas
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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