I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
