can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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