i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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