I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
