Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
