Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
