I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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