No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
