Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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