You work out of a Hotel?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
