I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
