I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I AM VODKA MAN
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
