you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
