I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
