I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
