Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize