I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
