I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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