When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
