blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
