Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
