How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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