she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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