Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
