he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
