I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Randomize
