Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
