I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
