i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
