He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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