Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
