Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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