Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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