woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
