I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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