hotel room ftw
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
