I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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