Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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