i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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