I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
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