i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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