Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
