Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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