yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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