My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize