found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
