So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
