Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
