i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
