Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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