Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
