Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
