those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
