drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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