cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
