wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
