She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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