if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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