Sponge bath it is.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize