in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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