Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
