The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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