Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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