I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
