Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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